13 Simple Ways to Be Happier
It wasn’t long ago that researchers believed that every human being was born with a set “happiness point,” a fixed and unavoidable baseline level of happiness. On its face, the idea appears to have merit: Tsunami victims, amputees, and lottery winners alike eventually return to their previous emotional baselines. In other words, no matter what mega-high or ultra-low you find yourself riding, eventually your happiness will seek its own level.
In 1996, University of Minnesota researcher David Lykken went so far as to say that “trying to be happier” was as “futile as trying to be taller.”
But David Lykken was wrong.
In a 2005 Time Magazine interview, Lykken took it all back. “I made a dumb statement,” he said. “It’s clear that we can change our happiness levels widely, up or down.”
So what happened inbetween 1996 and 2005 that changed the way researchers think about happiness? New studies and new findings: that’s what happened. And this new research is a lot of good news for all of us because it proves that happiness is greatly affected by circumstances that we personally have the power to control or influence: friendships, romantic relationships, finances, careers, mental habits.
Yes, we do have an emotional baseline. Yes, our baseline is determined partly by genetics and other factors beyond our control. But no – and I cannot say this clearly or loudly enough – your happiness baseline is not carved in stone. You can learn to be happier. You can change your life. You can smile more, love more deeply, experience more peace, and feel more gladness.
If you’re looking for a way to optimize your happiness, you can start by reviewing the following 13 strategies: simple, actionable, and designed to boost your happiness in a big way.
Love and Relationships
1. Nurture Friends and Family Ties: A study conducted at the University of Illinois by Diener and Seligman found that happy people tend to have strong friendships and family ties. This comes as no surprise, since we are social creatures, and it’s natural for us to derive joy from the company of others. Cultivate your social skills. Make time for friends and family, especially if those relationships tend to be positive and uplifting. Host a backyard barbecue, a dinner party, or a movie night. Make a spontaneous phone call “just to chat.” In short, find ways to connect; you’ll be happier for it.
2. Make Time for Romance: If you’ve found the partner of your dreams, keep your relationship solid by demonstrating how much you care. Roses. Chocolates. A thoughtful card. A night out. A weekend retreat. An honest expression of gratitude. A helping hand. A gentle hug. I’m not foolish enough to believe that a box of chocolates can turn a bad relationship into a good one, but taking time to do the little things provides its own enjoyment and further cements whatever good thing you already have.
3. Join a Supportive Spiritual Group: According to a 2002 article in Time Magazine, “religious faith seems to genuinely lift the spirit, though it’s tough to tell whether it’s the God part or the community aspect that does the heavy lifting.” In reality, it’s a combination of things: the shared worldview, the support structure, the common goals and aspirations, the feeling of family and belonging, and the sense of purpose, to name a few.
4. Communicate Productively: Successful relationships require solid communication: use body language, appropriate tone of voice, and eye contact; be considerate of alternative viewpoints; persuade gently; above all else, listen. And whenever possible, be nice. The power of being nice is well documented; it appears that what goes around really does come around.
5. Be Charitable: Research has shown that boosting someone else’s happiness boosts your own too. Giving to others puts your own problems into perspective, provides purpose and meaning, and generally makes you feel good about your place in the world.
Money and Career
6. Ask Yourself Why: Why do you work? For most people, the obvious answer is “because I have bills to pay.” That’s a fine answer (we all have bills to pay), but if paying the bills is your only reason for working, explore other options. The transition from an uninspiring job to a personally meaningful vocation is hard work and doesn’t happen overnight, but if you keep asking yourself “why,” you just might goad yourself into finding a way to answer that question in a way that makes you happy. Meaning and purpose are central to a fulfilling work life.
7. Earn a Livable Wage: If you’re living below the poverty line by choice so you can pursue meaningful work, more power to you; otherwise, making at least a middle-class wage is a proven way to boost your happiness. Investigate your options. Strategize accordingly.
8. Save: Keep 3 to 6 months salary in an emergency fund, in case you lose your job or your car breaks down; don’t forget to put money aside for retirement. If you know your basic needs are covered, you’ll be happier, and actually having that money when you need it will do wonders for your peace of mind.
9. Live Below Your Means: Financial gurus suggest that total debt, excluding first mortgage, should not exceed 20% of take-home pay. Feel free to indulge occasionally, but mind the consequences, since living above your means is a thief of happiness, harbinger of despair, and robber of potential.
Positive Thought
10. Keep a Gratitude Journal: Psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky has found that taking time once a week to write down all the things you’re thankful for will, in fact, increase your happiness. If you don’t want to do a journal, try taking a few minutes during your morning commute to remind yourself of all the wonderful things in your life. As research has proven, an attitude of gratitude makes a difference.
11. Make a Gratitude Visit: Psychologist Martin Seligman says that the most effective way to turbo-charge your joy is to write a testimonial thanking a teacher, parent, or pastor – anyone to whom you owe a debt of gratitude – and then visit that person to read him or her the letter of appreciation. This particular happiness booster has been shown to improve a person’s mood for up to a month.
12. Three Blessings: For a less powerful, but longer lasting happiness boost, Seligman says to take time everyday to write down three things that went well and why.
13. Positive Introspection: Take time to inventory the characteristics that make you valuable: skills, attitudes, generosity, capacity to love, and so forth. Be aware of all the wonderful abilities you bring to the table. Write them down if you have to. Everyone has something valuable to contribute.
In closing, your happiness baseline is affected as much by circumstances and attitudes as by genetic predisposition; that’s good news because it means that you can learn to be happier by affecting positive change in your relationships, career, and mental processes.
In other words, happiness is a lot less about who you are and a whole lot more about how you live your life.
Related Articles:
- 12 Ways to Boost Your Positive Energy
- 10 Secrets of a Happy Marriage
- 10 Causes and Cures of Unhappiness
- 7 Ways to Increase Your Self-Esteem
- Synergy, the Key to Greater Energy and Happiness
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Friday, September 28th, 2007 at 2:12 am under
That gratitude exercises are pretty neat, John. Thanks for the article.
September 28th, 2007 at 10:53 amThanks Sue. I thought those were pretty cool myself.
September 28th, 2007 at 11:42 amSince time immemorial people have believed that you can achieve happiness by following a certain lifestyle and believing in a particular philosophy. Happiness is inside us, and we can only see it when we can remove from it the layers jealousy, greed and blind wants.
October 1st, 2007 at 1:26 pmThanks for your comment, AmritHallan.
My take on your comment is that it’s a good start. Yes, it’s important to work on what’s inside of us, since that’s where it all starts. I’ve written plenty about the importance of throwing off “jealousy, greed, and blind wants,” to use your phrasing, meaning that I agree with you.
But I also believe that it’s foolish to suggest that happiness is merely an internal function of the mind and has no relationship to the outside world. To use an obvious example, if you had a wild dog chewing on your leg, I would humbly suggest that you’d be better off removing the dog than trying to convince yourself to be happy in spite of it. The idea that happiness is merely a matter of disconnecting from reality and choosing to be happy with no regard for the real world is an idea that I see way too often; it really only addresses half of the happiness equation. It’s an important half, yes. But still only half.
I say this not to be flippant, but to illustrate the point that sometimes the quickest path to happiness is addressing our internal attitudes, and sometimes it’s changing our external realities, the goal being to achieve an equalibrium between the two of them.
October 1st, 2007 at 2:46 pmDear MrPlace: my name is Kushal Sarkar 16 years old,i live in kolkata india i would like to take the oppurtunity to thank you profusely for your article ‘10 simple ways to ace you next test’ and ‘how to memorise anything’ these articles aided me in performing well in my science exams which i was not doing well in and made me obtain a good score in my first term exam thus getting a good impression in school .can you please write more articles about acadaemic improvement as they are very helpful.i also loved the articles on synergy,procastination &time management+happiness thank you once again for your valuable help.with regards Kushal Sarkar
October 2nd, 2007 at 9:59 amP.S :please pardon the spelling errors,it occured while typing at a fast rate .Thank You
October 2nd, 2007 at 10:05 amThanks for dropping in and leaving me a comment, Kushal Sarkar. You’re right — It’s been a while since I’ve written on an academic topic.
“How to Memorize Anything” is one of the most popular articles on the site, but the other academic articles have not performed as well, which tells me that most of my readers aren’t as interested in those topics. It’s a shame too because it’s a topic I care a lot about. I think maybe it’s time to poll my readers to figure out what they’d like to see more of.
October 2nd, 2007 at 10:21 ammaybe you could write about how to combat exam tension or possibly about how to get a good impression in class . or maybe you could give some advice about how to do well in studies as an overall . what about some advice for the board and competitive exams like SAT.Thank You.
October 2nd, 2007 at 10:51 amThe funny thing is that if you focus on what you have, and how you are improving, your progress along your journey not only will you happiness go up, but you will generally start doing better by external standards such as wealth, as well.
And I agree, relationships and gratitude (see paragraph above) are the essentials of happiness… money is only needed in the quantity required to give you enough freedom to give attention to the two.
October 3rd, 2007 at 10:35 amWow,13 great and valuable tips. If we even followed just one of them we would be happier than we are now. Thanks
October 3rd, 2007 at 1:20 pmKushal Sarkar: Thanks for the suggestion.
Doug/Jason/Sarkar: Thanks for sharing your comments.
October 4th, 2007 at 10:29 pm[…] post is very interesting and contains some facts that I had not previously read. Take a look at how you can become happier. It wasn’t long ago that researchers believed that every human being was born with a set […]
October 11th, 2007 at 8:02 amHappiness is a little like love- you never really know what it is or whether or not you have had it.
October 14th, 2007 at 11:30 pmOne can spend a whole lifetime searching for something with no real definition. One can die without ever knowing what real happiness is.
No, for me, just get as much joy as you possibly can from everything every day and stop being philosophical about the unknown.
It’s a little like pornography you cant define it but you know it when you see it. In other words its all subjective.
Go and get YOUR joy. Not someone else’s like the poor sods who seek it through religion.
The Baldchemist
I have much agreement with your post, BaldChemist, except for the rant against religion. If the pursuit of happiness is subject to individual definition (as you suggest), then certainly an individual ought to be free to define it in way that includes spirituality and/or religion, should those pursuits interest him.
October 15th, 2007 at 5:35 pm[…] 13 Simple Ways to Be Happier (tags: happiness lifehacks Life) […]
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October 26th, 2007 at 6:36 pmDid ANYONE consider this one real successful, true and well worth priceless, yet cost nothing approach?
As soon as you wake up, walk outside….it doesn’t matter the time of day or night, it doesn’t matter the season, rain or shine…just walk outside, look up at the sky and see how grand it is…see how much bigger it physically is compared to ANYTHING that we’re going through..when things are going great,it’s bigger AND brighter…when things are bleak…it’s big, huge and BEAUTIFUL…
no matter what, God put that sky up there, gave us eyes to see it and a heart and mind to truly appreciate the grandness of it!
Whether or not you CHOOSE to be religious or not, you cannot deny the grandness of the sky…if you’re like me, you’ll find yourself thanking God for jsut this one awesome, ever changing, incredible gift! anything that brings YOU personal joy…gee, it’s for me and my pleasure and joy…well…that’s just so sad for you…it’s NOT ABOUT YOU…
it’s all about US…HUMANITY…creatures CREATED out of LOVE, NOT self…so, with that said….enjoy the sky if you want to enjoy anything because trust me, the rest comes like a flood once you get this little task complete.
November 2nd, 2007 at 2:46 pmNice tip, Mar. Paying attention to the beauty that surrounds us, including that big sky, is a frequently suggested (and sometimes helpful) way to feel happier. Nice catch.
November 3rd, 2007 at 6:28 amA great book on this subject is Happiness is a Choice by Barry Neil Kaufman.
Your 13 steps are also excellent advise . . . as is your reply to AmritHalla on October 1, 2007.
A success formula I like is: “Get up early . . . get to work on time . . . do the best you can, everyday . . . treat people as you’d like to be treated . . . ask, believe, and receive with undoubting Faith . . . and good things will happen.”
I just discovered your blog and am finding it quite interesting and practical.
All the best!
Bill P, Sr.
November 24th, 2007 at 1:32 pm11-24-07
Hi!
January 28th, 2008 at 4:23 pmI am currently writting a reflection of your 13 tips and I noticed there isn’t an author’s name… Is there any way you can provide whoever’s name so they can recieve their credit?
Hi Lindsay,
My name is John Place. I have written every article on this blog. Erego, the name of the site is “John Place” Online. :-) Unless you are looking for an MLA style reference for the Time citation?
January 28th, 2008 at 7:21 pm[…] *Laugh and laugh vigorously everyday. Heard a good joke? Tell your friends or family about it. As they also say -’Laughter is the best medicine‘. […]
March 13th, 2008 at 12:17 amThis is a great list. Simple ways to do things are the best but sometimes people focus on the more difficult, expensive ways which seem like the easy way when in fact they are less effective and do not provide as great results.
June 27th, 2008 at 9:04 amGreat tips, i always believe the best rule is to always place people above money and you will be happy.
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:43 pmThis is really great, it increases my happiness level Please you can send more to my email adress buildingpotentials@yahoo.com +234 80 604 87 562
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