10 Causes and Cures of Unhappiness
One of the quickest ways to spread the sunny rays of happiness over your life is to directly confront the negative attitudes darkening your doorstep.
While neither universal nor all-encompassing, the joy-stealing attitudes and corresponding cures listed below are common enough to warrant a thumbtack on the wall of many lives, including my own.
1. Jealousy: Destroy the green monster by celebrating the successes of others. If your friend succeeds, celebrate his victory as your own; if your enemy succeeds, remind yourself that jealousy is self-defeating, pointless, and merely extends an enemy’s power over you.
2. Persecution Complex: Recognize that persecution is irrelevant, since you (and only you) control the outcome of your life. Every person has a stack of obstacles placed before him; success hinges upon your ability to overcome the obstacles in your path, persecution or no.
3. Lack of Accountability: We may not control every bad thing that happens to us, but we do control how we react to those bad things. Instead of passing the buck, take responsibility for every failure so you can learn and grow.
4. Perfectionism: Stop nit picking. Perfection is rarely attainable and seldom necessary. You’re a person, not a robot. Use the 80/20 Rule whenever appropriate.
5. Excessive Reasoning: Man is blessed with a marvelous and astounding ability to reason. At its best, this ability facilitates accomplishment; at its worst, it causes spirals of perfectionism, over-thinking, and paralysis by analysis. If it’s clear you’re in a situation that cannot be improved through logic and reason, learn to let go.
6. Negativism: Remind yourself that there are just as many positive forces in the world as negative ones; your fixation on the negative is a matter of perspective and choice.
7. Assuming the Worst of Others: There is a fine line between guarding against a realistic threat and being needlessly defensive. Make sure you haven’t crossed that line. Whenever possible, give people the benefit of the doubt.
8. Low Self-Esteem: Raise your self-esteem by recognizing your accomplishments and positive qualities; further boost it by correcting the problem areas that drag you down.
9. Low Self-Efficacy: Self-efficacy is defined as faith in your ability to achieve a desired outcome. To overcome low self-efficacy, master the skills required to reach your objective. Practice, practice, practice.
10. Feelings of Meaninglessness: Inject meaning into your life by learning to follow your passion: that internal compass, guiding you toward fulfillment. Read my synergy series of articles for more information; if you disagree with my approach for discovering purpose, pioneer your own.
Unhappiness is both self-defined and self-imposed (meaning a person who believes himself happy is), so if you’re capable of controlling your mental state without examining its constituent elements, I stand in awe of your mental abilities and politely leave you to your devices.
On the other hand, if you’re like most people I’ve known (myself included) and occasionally feel unhappy for reasons that cannot be swept under the rug, review this list of 10 self-destructive attitudes and corresponding cures.
By understanding the source of your unhappiness, you can take the steps required to climb out of the hole of despair and into the sunlight of happiness.
Related Articles:
- 7 Ways to Increase Your Self-Esteem
- Help for Students Searching for Meaningful Careers
- 13 Simple Words that Could Change Your Life Forever
- 11 Causes and Cures for Procrastination
- Synergy, the Key to Greater Energy and Happiness
If you liked this article, make sure you subscribe to my feed via RSS or email.
Learn More About John Place
Check Out the Main Page
Posted
on
Tuesday, July 24th, 2007 at 9:17 pm under
Excellent points. Its especially vital to grasp the underlying reasons why you may impose the negative thinking. Accountability to me is a big one. Take responsibility for your life and you’ll be more likely to create the minset for happiness.
July 25th, 2007 at 5:00 amJealousy and envy are easy to avoid for me. I simply don’t see any reason why I should care about someone else’s success unless I care about them, and if I care about them, then I’m happy when they succeed. The same thing goes for envy… why in the world should I care what anyone else has, other than to be happy for someone I care about who gets something they’ve always wanted? I regard each person as an individual, and their success or failure is their own, owned by them, and so it does not matter to me one way or the other, unless I’m happy for them, or possibly sad for them, but I would never envy them.
And as for points 4 and 5, I’m lucky to have never been that type. I’ve always been the type to just jump in, have a go at it, and improve what I can later.
And by the way, though you didn’t note it, all of the things listed boil down to one point… thinking too much about things that aren’t perfectly the way you want them. Let them come, let them go, actively do something you enjoy, and unhappiness will go away.
July 25th, 2007 at 8:32 amThanks for your observations, Liara and Jason.
My guess is that individuals will wrestle with a handful of these ailments as opposed to all of them: 4 and 5 have always been my biggest problems.
When perfectionism and excessive reasoning are partly responsible for your success in life (as they have been in mine), it can be hard to let go of them.
But I finally learned to do just that.
I think if I had to boil the advice in this article down to one line, it would be this: Focus on amplifying the goodness within you instead of the rottenness without. A few of these (10, 9, 3) are about trying harder — or trying smarter — while many of the others are about controlling perspective.
July 25th, 2007 at 10:08 amYou know the root of happiness is hap, and old English word referring to external events. Example, happen, mishap. Attachment to external events leads to suffering.
Duncan
July 25th, 2007 at 12:48 pmI appreciate your thoughts, Duncan.
Although, I must say that I disagree with the all-too-popular personal development mindset that the key to happiness is learning to flip an internal “happiness” switch, regardless of the external circumstances. That is part of it, yes. But not all.
There is a balancing act between the world inside of us and the world outside of us. Sometimes, the key is recognizing the external events that are causing such agony and learning to eliminate or replace.
I contend that happiness only occurs in a vaccuum in people with enormous emotional discipline — and such happiness is sometimes hollow, for it does not always reflect actual growth.
July 25th, 2007 at 12:57 pmI agree… it is affected by external events, but your actual happiness level is NOT based on what events happen, but rather your perception of those events. If my traffic on my blog changed from where it is now to 10,000 people per month, I would be very happy. I imagine John would not be as happy if his changed to 10,000 people per month. Admittedly, those events differ in starting points, as well, but it applies to other things as well. Moving from 5,000 viewers to 5,500 would make me happy. Another person, who is focused on having 10,000 viewers, might be disappointed. Same event, same beginning and end, but one person is happy and the other is not.
July 25th, 2007 at 1:47 pmJason,
Good point. And of course I agree that it’s all a matter of perspective. And I also agree that an important facet of happiness is learning to control the way we feel, regardless of circumstances (and I said as much).
But my point is that manipulating the internal without attempting to manipulate the external will only get most people so far.
Put more simply, sometimes the most productive way to achieve happiness is to change what’s inside of us; and sometimes, the most productive way is to change what’s outside of us, with numerous shades of gray inbetween. And there are a million examples of each scenario that we could drag up from the mud, wipe clean, and expose to the light for examination.
July 25th, 2007 at 1:57 pmPerhaps if you change “unhappiness” to “suffering”.
All the items appear to be dukkha, as in http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dukkha
Duncan
July 28th, 2007 at 7:10 pmVery interesting, Duncan. Thanks for the link.
July 28th, 2007 at 8:21 pmExcellent!! So much unhappiness is unnecessary. It’s more difficult to smile when bad things happen, but you’ll be better off if you get over that hump to do so!
July 29th, 2007 at 10:49 amThis is exactly what I expected to find out after reading the title o.us poetry. Thanks for informative article
July 29th, 2007 at 4:32 pmJesus, I’m to busy reasoning about why my life sucks and not how I would be able to improve it. I actually was able to relate to every single cause of unhappiness… I’m scum :(
July 29th, 2007 at 6:37 pm[…] this unprofessional blogger site and I seem to have a little more problems then I thought 10 Causes and Cures of Unhappiness Great guide though. Wait… Do you […]
July 29th, 2007 at 6:44 pmgood stuff
July 29th, 2007 at 8:49 pmReg, Jakob, Sully: Thanks for the comments!
James: You are *not* scum. You are a powerful sentient being with the ability to turn your life into something meaningful.
July 29th, 2007 at 9:33 pmWhen I start to feel any of those negatives I try to focus on my “next action” (per GTD) and move on. If the temptation is very strong I get some exercise.
Good points, I look forward to reading more from you.
July 29th, 2007 at 11:22 pmI take a little pill and I puttputt along but Tom cruise is mad at me. :(
July 30th, 2007 at 11:44 amPaul: Excellent tip. Thanks for sharing.
Puttputt: I personally feel that mediciation has its place and that Tom Cruise has no business getting involved in your business, but that’s just my two cents.
July 30th, 2007 at 12:26 pmJames - The more you think about reasons why life sucks, the more your subconscious looks for yet more reasons to bring to your attention. If you can, try to just stop moving that way, mentally, find a quiet place to sit, and just let your mind stop and rest. You may find a surge of bad thoughts come over you, but if you just stay there and let it rest, they will pass, and then you can heal a little.
July 30th, 2007 at 2:32 pm[…] J.K. Rowling sempat diwawancara oleh Jen Brown, di wawancara tersebut, diceritakan epilog yang tidak ditulis di buku dengan alasan bahwa di dalam novel tidak semua hal perlu diceritakan. Oh, ya beberapa cerita juga ada disini dan disini. […]
July 31st, 2007 at 9:19 pmVery good points.
I think any top 10 list is subject to debate, and the best thing is that people are thinking about it, so I applaud you. In considering the impact people have on their own happiness they can begin to change the internal and external circumstances to improve their happiness.
I chuckled when I read the perfectionist point as to apply the 80/20 rule when appropriate, being possessed of that and #5 I considered that we should apply the 80/20 rule 80% of the time. :-). Just my own silliness, thought I would share.
Also, I try (with varied success) to think about things that make me happy in my life everyday, so that when I am beset by unhappiness I have a bit of head start on feeling happy again.
August 1st, 2007 at 3:05 pmThanks for sharing your thoughts, Shawn.
Your thoughts on using the 80/20 rule 80% of the time are right on.
August 1st, 2007 at 4:39 pm[…] site. If the content of this post interests you and you’d like to see more, just follow the link: 10 Causes and Cures of Unhappiness 10 Causes and Cures of Unhappiness One of the quickest ways to spread the sunny rays of […]
August 3rd, 2007 at 5:58 pm[…] Source : http://johnplaceonline.com/stress-management/10-causes-and-cures-of-unhappiness/ […]
August 4th, 2007 at 5:27 amThere are other reasons to be unhappy. I was unhappy when my brother died.
August 6th, 2007 at 1:46 pmSorry to hear about your brother, Helen.
I certainly agree that there are lots of other reasons to be unhappy, and I said so in the second paragaph of this article: “While neither universal nor all-encompassing…”
Grief in particular is a challenging one; a series of stages. My sympathies are with you.
August 6th, 2007 at 9:36 pm[…] article by John Place might be a good starting point: 10 Causes and Cures of Unhappiness. Some of the areas he covers […]
October 3rd, 2007 at 9:38 am[…] 10 Causes and Cures of Unhappiness […]
October 18th, 2007 at 8:39 pm[…] 10 Causes and Cures of Unhappiness […]
October 24th, 2007 at 10:49 pm[…] 10 Causes and Cures of Unhappiness 10 Ursachen und Lösungsmethoden für das Unglücklichsein. (tags: lifehacks Tips psychology Self-Improvement advice happiness) […]
November 11th, 2007 at 8:28 pmThank you for this incredible uplifting read :)
November 15th, 2007 at 1:20 amTo be happy and successful, one must satisfy his/her physiological and psychological needs. Physiological needs are: food, clothing, housing, affection, sex, income, etc. Psychological needs are: growth, achievement, recognition, responsibility, participation, and interesting work. These needs vary in importance from one individual to another. Recognizing the intensity of each need in ones life . . . and satisfying each need . . . are the keys to happiness and overcoming unhappiness.
To be happy, developing a keen ongoing awareness of . . . and appreciation for . . . what’s good about right now . . . are happiness enhancers. Live in the present, aware of and grateful for all the good things you are experiencing right now. “Get up early . . . get to work on time . . . do the best you can, everyday . . . treat people as you’d like to be treated . . . ask, believe, and receive with undoubting Faith . . . and good things will continue to happen.”
In God We Trust!!!
Bill P, Sr.
November 25th, 2007 at 2:22 pm11-25-07
can you suggest some measures for temper control& attention increasing
December 4th, 2007 at 6:04 am[…] : http://johnplaceonline.com/stress-management/10-causes-and-cures-of-unhappiness/ cab RSS Filed under: Uncategorized The hazards men face everyday […]
December 4th, 2007 at 12:32 pmJohn or whatever your name is:
December 13th, 2007 at 3:17 pmI am amazed that you are publishing this article as your own. I saw this very same article published days before you published this one by another blogger (Word for word). Are you stealing other peoples works and publishing them as your own and getting paid for it? That is illegal and unethical.
Paugh,
Every single word on this site is my original creation. If you saw this article published on another blog, it was stolen by somebody else from me. Please send me the link so I can deal with it.
A couple of points: someone may have reprinted my article with permission. If that’s the case, there should be a link back to this site. If there is no link-back and no citation, it’s stealing. Simple as that. Again, please send me the link so I can deal with it.
Thanks.
P.S.
Sadly, content theft is part of blogging. I wish people wouldn’t steal my work and I do my best to keep them in check, but it happens. Thankfully, my loyal readers can pick my words out of a line-up, or so I am told. Have a look around the blog, Paugh, and you’ll see that my articles all share a common voice and, for the most part, style of writing. Every word here is my own.
P.P.S.
I did a Google search for a continuous string containing the first half of the first sentence of this post, and my site is the only one that shows up. So if another site has stolen this article, Google has not indexed their pages yet. Your help finding them would be greatly appreciated.
–John Place
December 14th, 2007 at 1:55 am[…] Next is 10 Causes and cures of Unhappiness, at John Place.com. What better gift to give to yourself, than more happiness? Read it here http://johnplaceonline.com/stress-management/10-causes-and-cures-of-unhappiness/ […]
December 23rd, 2007 at 3:30 amcan u please tell me a way to stop pondering over negative things and focusing on positive things in life ?i really need to know pl help
January 7th, 2008 at 9:58 pmExcellent tips and advice. Simple but effective
March 28th, 2008 at 2:59 pm